Rafael vs. Shetan

[nala]

OOC
The Rules:

• 3 posts per stallion
  
• 2 attacks per post
  
• 1 dodge per post
  
• no word limit or requirement
  
• Teddy & Shetan start
  

[teddybearsaywhat ?!]

Shetan paced back and forth. There he was, standing on the fighting grounds. Young, yet strong. He was ready, prepared. He knew what he was doing. "But- what if I- I'm getting land, that's all that matters. I'll- I'll- I don't know..." His voice trailed away like the wind. He stopped and pricked his ears forward. Just a mob of birds was all. He looked around, and then continued walking back and forth. "Where is he?" He said annoyed. The king was slow. He reared, striking at the air. He came down with a deep thump.

[nala]

Rafael

She was so beautiful to him. Her pregnancy illuminating their developing friendship and romance. He was week when he was around her, and yet stronger every day he spent with his queen. All Rafael wanted now was to prove himself as king, to triumphantly quiet any doubts stallions might have, he might have.

The bay took his time traveling to Carcota. He was obviously already behind his opposition, and he chose to save his energy rather then gallop off at a race. Only twice had he been to this place; both times only for minor spars with other bachelors of the time. Today was different. Today much more was on the line. Today Rafael wanted to win.

His breath shook as he took in a large gasp of air, thundering over the rim of the horizon to face the chestnut. Now is your last chance to back down, stallion. The king still didn't know the other stallions name, not that it particularly mattered. A battle won was a battle won, and that was what would happen today.

He didn't wait for an answer, already knowing their wouldn't be one he was looking for. Rafael charged, veering to the right of the stallion, his eyes deadlocked on the chestnut colored flank before him. His first attack would be a sharp bite and bruising here, followed by whatever else he could damaged.

ooc : 1 attack used/ 0 dodges used/ notes: YAY FIGHT! xD

[teddybearsaywhat ?!]

Shetan jumped around and backed away from the stallions attack. (one dodge left: 0) He kicked out near the neck. (one attack left: 1) He tossed his head, and trotted a bit away, rearing when he stopped. "Never. Ever. Would I, Shetan, step down." His said. He pawed at the ground. He loped around the King, his hooves thundering at the ground.

He walked behind the other stallion, slowly going to his side, where he reared, an attemp to strike the other. (two attacks left: 0) Satisfied, he trotted a bit away, in a position to dodge an attack if necessary.

[nala]

Rafael

He miss judged the stallion, his mouth aiming short of hitting the rapidly moving chestnut. Exasperated and angry, Rafael's eyes flashed as he accounted for himself, pulling his head up and getting his feet beneath him as he continued to move. They we're like two boxers in a ring, one hits another and then in turn, the other hits back. Carefully he calculated how to "hit" harder.

It was the chestnuts turn, and the king saw his plan just as it began to unravel. The kick that was aimed at his neck fell just as short as Rafael's bite had, hitting nothing but air before it landed upon the ground once more. Ha! The king was grinning on the inside at his achieved wittiness. On the outside his face continued to bear the mask of concentration. His lunged for the stallions neck, aiming with a certain preciseness just beneath the jaw line.

The second attack from his opponent seemed not to be aimed at anything directly but at the bay king as a whole. He was to Rafael's right and as he began to raise up in a rear, the king chose to use his slightly higher build to his advantage. Both stallion's on their back legs sized each other up. Rafael believed he had the advantage, for when coming down he was able to keep himself above the opposition, throwing his weight down upon him with an heartfelt battle cry. This is for you Kasra, for you my child!

ooc : 1 dodge used/ 2 attacks used

[teddybearsaywhat ?!]

Shetan snorted in frustration as he missed his hit. Why was he so stupid? He turned around and missed one of the stallions attacks. He went towards the stallion and reared, striking at the stallion (one attack). Was it a success? He knew it was, he had felt the flesh of the king against his hooves! He tossed his head and snorted again as the other attack hit him. Not too bad, however, he would still fight.

He went about twelve feet behind the other stallion, too far to be kicked. He reared, pawing, striking at the air, for now purpose. He came down and half reared, swishing his tail. He pawed at the ground, frustrated. Would he, Shetan, win? He decided not to think of losing any longer. He would win, he knew he would.

[nala]

Rafael

It was more a battle of whits then a battle of power. It was more a battle to prove oneself to the other. Today Rafael believed in himself, today more then ever he believed in his power. The king ducked away from the chestnuts second rear, only feeling a few sharp hoof touches to his shoulder. Another miss, he thought to himself, although not as bad as the first.

He felt like crying out, like screaming to the world that the desert was his, that he was king. But today was different, his kingship was on the edge, its limits being tested by this stranger. You will not win chestnut; you will not take my lands. With a new sense of determination, Rafael raged into another attack, a flurry of hooves aimed for the chestnuts skull. After a sufficient time had elapsed with this attack he ducked away from it, his black mane floating up off of his neck. You will not win.

The battle was coming to an end now; Rafael felt it. One last attack would be efficient. With his bay neck curled so that his chin touched his chest, the king charged at the chestnuts barrel. He rose in a rear at the last minuet crashing down upon the stallion with all of his efforts. My land. He managed to squeek out with a whoosh of air. Mine.

ooc : 2 attacks used/ 1dodge used/ notes: YAY Fight Ended! <3 good fight Teddy! JUDGE JUDGE JUDGE HAT AND HUDDEH!!

[Hud]

PHEW. Quite the heated battle you guys!! Bear with me – this is my first time judging a battle. –puts on her pink none-of-this-is-to-be-taken-personally judging helmet-

SO, let me begin with the advantages and disadvantages of each contender when it comes to the details of each post. Shetan will go first since Teddy began the fight. As a four-year-old, 15 hh hotblood, his stature is very similar to Rafael’s, but seems to be a year behind in both frame and mind. As evidenced in the thread where they first met, Shetan does not display practical actions when entering another stallion’s lands – one might even call his actions foolish. Then again, that’s not something I can hold against him because that may simply be his nature. The only advantage I can find for Shetan is how passionate he seems to be about winning the day, though admittedly he is without any other goal that I can spot. Rafael, besides being a larger stallion in general, also possesses the advantage of age. Though only a year older, Rafael displays his experience through his words and behavior – carefully planning each move with great diligence. His determination throughout is undeniable, despite the apparently slow travel from the Pyotr Range to Carcota. Rafael will seemingly do anything to secure his place – an honorable endeavor. When it comes down to my personal emotional response and my assessment of the practicality of each of the stallion’s actions and reasoning, I will have to go with Rafael and Nala.

BUT, I must acknowledge the area that I confess I am much better equipped for judging – the use of proper language. Now I know that it is specified in the fighting rules that structure is not so important, but I noticed enough problems in this particular fight as to catch my particular interest. My biggest praise for Teddy is that I only found one spelling error and it was clearly a typo. On the other hand, I think that that does have something to do with one of my biggest complaints about Shetan’s posts. It was clear to me that Shetan’s posts, though full of action, did not take nearly as much effort as Rafael’s. Any evidence of emotion or reasoning or even description of surroundings would have done for “filler” (if it were even to be considered that). With such short entries, one can hardly afford to make any mistakes at all. The posts had numerous sentence structure errors – especially fragments. Lastly, the use of the pronoun “he” was wildly out of proportion. Never fear though! Nala made her fair share of mistakes too. From the get-go, I saw spelling and grammar errors in Rafael’s posts. There was even a usage error or two. I counted one incorrect use of vocabulary. Again, I recognize that Nala made ‘more’ mistakes when it comes down to the technical stuff, but she also had more to say. Both of you would really benefit from the use of spell and grammar check. I will have to go with Rafael and Nala here as well.

My vote goes to the current king of the Far South!

[teddybearsaywhat ?!]

I understand....

[Hattie]

Well I'm less of a grammar expert so my vote will be more readability and roleplay based.

I'll start with teddy.

First off, throughout out the fight I feel that you stayed true to Shetan's character. Even though you'd never explicitly stated what kind horse he is, the reader is able to get a very clear sense of his youthful ambition and bold, boisterous exterior that seems to hide a few insecurities. I really enjoyed that.

That said, your posts when it came to actual fighting seemed a bit choppy in places. Shetan's actions didn't really seem to flow together, one second he's thundering at Rafael and then the next he's walking with out any real mention of a transition.

Also next time around I would recommend posting your attacks/dodges used OOC at the end of your post, I found the in post notes distracted from the actual fighting going on.

Your most serious fault would be this line "He went towards the stallion and reared, striking at the stallion (one attack). Was it a success? He knew it was, he had felt the flesh of the king against his hooves!" That's pretty much a power-play. You Must leave attacks open ended. The other player should always have the option to avoid your attack but you take that away when you describe the attack hitting home. This played a big part in my decision.

Now on to Nala

Spelling D: it really distracted from your overall post in places, even to me, the misspelling queen. Many were mistakes that a spell check wouldn't pick up like Miss judged instead of misjudged.

You also gave me a good sense of Rafael's personality and motivations. I like how you were able to reference his queen enough to show how much she meant to him with out overusing her.

Rafael's actions flowed very well, there was a logical progression from one movement to the next, not only physically but you gave us great insight into his thought process as well.

One thing I'm tempted to dock you for is the boxer reference but it seems like you meant that as a visualization for the reader rather than a comparison Rafael himself was making. Be careful of giving your horse knowledge that he couldn't possibly have.


I think you both had your high and low points in this fight and both have room for improvement, but over all I did enjoy the read and I congratulate you both on that.

However, I must side with Hud on this and give the win to nala and Rafael. Over all her posts had a better flow to them and I feel she took more time to work on her posts.

[teddybearsaywhat ?!]

Congrats Nala!